From Sarah, With Joy

*Poet * Author * Wanderluster*

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Don't Touch Me, You Beach

I’m just going to come right out and say it. I don’t really get beaches.

Do people enjoy getting sand in every crevice of their body?

And the sun. In many ways I feel about the sun like I feel about cooking; it can be beautiful, and is necessary to sustain life, but as little direct contact as possible is preferred. (So maybe I’m a little vitamin D deficient…)

People say the beach is relaxing, but there is a big difference between relaxing and draining. Relaxing means rejuvenating; that you feel rested and ready to get back in action when the relaxing is over. The beach doesn’t do that for me. The beach leaves me feeling shriveled, and like the life-force has been evaporated out of me. Maybe it has to do with my Norwegian heritage.

There is only so much you can do when it’s hot. You can be Tony Stark naked and still be sweating like Bruce Banner in an elevator.

Make it cold, though, and you can pile on hoodies and blankets and a fireplace and a cup of grandma’s sweet-and-condensed-milk-hot-cocoa. And a book.

Here’s the thing about the beach. It can occasionally be too draining and too sandy and too bright to read.

Do you understand? TOO BRIGHT TO READ. Why would anyone VOLUNTARALY choose a place that makes it DIFFICULT TO READ A BOOK?

Okay, okay, so I know reading at the beach is a thing, and maybe I’ve just never learned the proper technique, because it doesn’t quite work out for me. My family loves the beach, so I’ve learned to cope by staking myself out under the umbrella, next to the Coke, draping towels over my shoulders and lap, and bringing a book. But by the time I’ve been in the sun and sand long enough to walk from the car to the umbrella and get myself settled, I already feel too drained and shriveled to focus on words on a page. And then I have to get in the water with my brothers for at least a little while, because even I can’t go to the beach and not get in the ocean, and then I’m wet and even MORE drained and shriveled.

Okay so even I have a good time at the beach, but like a cleaning at the dentist, I prefer only occasional and short appointments. When I think relaxing, give me a cabin with the softest couch and the largest fireplace and so much snow outside nobody can get in or out. Give me a large television and strong wifi connection and a library to rival the Beast’s. Give me a hoodie, a book, and no bedtime.

That, I get.

Are you a beach person or a snow person?

Sarah Allen

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  1. That made me chuckle! I agree. I am not a beach person either. I can think of better things to do than lay out on the beach and get sand up my butt. Or a sunburn within ten minutes.
    Give me the snow and mountains anytime.

  2. I am most definitely a beach person. I LOVE the beach, but I don't do the normal things like swimming or reading. I like the sun within limits while listening to the surf--which is the most relaxing thing in the world.

  3. HooRayGun!! sez RonRaygun. You're a writer? Cool shoes. Me, too… kinda, sorta. I know for a fact, however, you gotta whole lotta intelligence behind those two ears, girl; thus, I wanna give you my finite existence: to intrinsically value the Great Beyond which I’ve learned to appreciate, to visualize the fundamental reality of infinity is why I‘m here for a teeny-weeny amount of time. Looky here...

    Precisely why I had our ‘philanthropic + epiphany’ (=so much to give + vision): wanna see a perfectly cognizant, fully-spectacular, Son-ripened-Heaven?? … yet, I’m not sure if we're on the same page if you saw what I saw. Greetings, earthling. Because I was an actual NDE on the outskirts of the Great Beyond at 15 yet wasn’t allowed in, lemme share with you what I actually know Seventh-Heaven’s Big-Bang’s gonna be like: meet this advanced, bombastic, ex-mortal Upstairs for the most extra-groovy-paradox, pleasure-beyond-measure, Ultra-Yummy-Reality-Addiction in the Great Beyond for a BIG-ol, kick-ass, party-hardy, robust-N-risqué-passion you DO NOT wanna miss the sink-your-teeth-in-the-smmmokin’-hot-deal enveloping, engulfing us. Cya soon, girl…

  4. I love the beach but not for relaxing. My idea of a great beach includes rocks to climb on and tide pools to search for and maybe some soft wet sand to build with. To just sit on the sand...what's the point?

  5. I hate being cold, so I'm definitely more of a beach bum than a snow bunny. My husband, though, loves the snow. We are anxious to see who our daughter takes after :)

    I did stupidly drop a book in the waves of Cocoa Beach once. Ruined the whole day!

  6. I hate being hot and I burn easily, so I don't care much for the beach unless there's a cool breeze and I'm in the shade. I might as well get those at home! Of course, it's possible to be too cold too, so I prefer something in the middle.

  7. I don't care for the beach either and I live in Florida. But I love the sunshine. It's nice to look out my window and see a happy blue sky almost everyday.

    Hugs and chocolate!

  8. Some people just don't relate well to the beach, Sarah, and that's okay. I grew up on the ocean but have lived land-locked for many years. So our once a year vacation ocean-side is rejuvenating and refreshing for me. I like to sit on the sand and watch the waves and sea birds and crabs. Just watching the water drops my BP. I do read there, too, in a chair, under an umbrella with a back-lit Kindle. I'm just a water person - have to be on it, in it or looking at it!
    Having said that, I do enjoy snow and the coziness of a day by the fire.
    Interesting POV!

  9. You're doing it wrong. Wrap up warm and go to the beach in the winter. It's quiet, not too bright, and the sound of the waves crashing on the shore is beautiful.

  10. I love writing about the beach and using it as a backdrop, but there is no way in you know where that you'll get me to a beach. Let me put it this way, my 13 year old daughter has probably been the beach more times in her life than I have in mine. I love the snow. Snow has the quieting factor that I need when the chaos of the world starts to invade my personal space.

    Father Nature's Corner


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