From Sarah, With Joy

Writer of all things kid lit.

Here there be kid poems.

Monday, September 25, 2017

From the Tweetdeck of Captain Blackbeard

Happy New Year to all, especially the ships I’ve plundered so hard they don’t know what to do! Love!

TODAY WE MAKE THE SEAS GREAT AGAIN -E.Teach

The Queen Anne’s Revenge has the best crew! I know crew. I have the best crew!

The papers keep rehashing our massacre five years ago--what about Anne Bonny’s missing loot! SAD!

East India Trading Co. invented rising ocean tides to make average man’s private fleets non-competitive. Disgusting!

Captain Kidd is, without question, the WORST EVER captain. I predict he will do something really stupid and then I’ll take over his ship!

I became captain all on my own, not with help from Ushkuiniks. Greatest pirate hunt! WRONG.

An ‘extremely credible source’ has signaled and told me Anne Bony isn’t actually a woman.

Anne Bonny is unattractive inside and out. I totally understand why her crew left her for Mary Read.

If Chelsea Bonny asked to hold helm for mommy while Anne gave ship away, fake news would say CHELSEA BONNY FOR CAPTAIN.

Queen Anne functioning perfectly. No matter what papers say. No time for fake news.

Eddie Teach Jr. did a great job. Transparent and innocent. Greatest pirate hunt in history! Sad!

Poorly rated Captain Kidd speaking badly of me. Then how come he’s always ogling my ships!!

My account so powerful I make my enemies quake and shiver in my tweet wake!

This is a photo of my luscious beard. It is the most luscious of all the beards. Look at it. Look.

Anne Bony says beard is fake--SO IS YOUR FACE! Beard is REAL. Fake news!

MY BEARD IS REAL. STOP SAYING MY BEARD ISN’T REAL.

MY BEARD IS REAL.

MY BEARD.

MMMMYYYYYYYY BEEEEEAAAAARDD

MEEEEEEEEEEEEE

2 comments:

  1. I'm still not convinced his beard is real...

    ReplyDelete
  2. That tweet is darn clever. Real or not, a beard still is itchy and needs to be shampooed.

    ReplyDelete

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