My college friends are so much better at editing and analyzing things than I am. When we watch movies or talk about books I feel that I am often taking their ideas and interests as my own. I don't know much of anything about business or government or things like that.
There is one thing I am really good at. I am good at getting excited about things. I bought all eleven seasons of Frasier as a college freshman and watched them in one semester. I tried to explain it and show it to my roommates, but it wasn't their thing. Instead they introduced me to the incredible world of Star Trek and Doctor Who and Sherlock (OH MY WORD SHERLOCK). Lately, it's been the Marvel world and the beauty that is Tom Hiddleston.
From what I'm seeing, I think it's becoming more acceptable to be inordinately excited about things, maybe thanks to things like YouTube and Tumblr. There's a whole dialect springing up around the feeling you get when something is so there and so important and magical and beautiful and makes you feel like your whole insides are boiling so they're going to crack your ribs apart (BENEDICT'S CHEEKBONES WHAT IS AIR).
To be honest here, that feeling is one of the biggest proofs to me that there is something more than this world. Like our good friend C.S. Lewis said, "If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world." I think when we feel like we're going to explode of THIS THINGNESS maybe we're getting a glimpse into the bigness that's really out there, the bigness we're made for and are meant to experience one day.
If you're thinking, is she really using Benedict Cumberbatch's cheeks as evidence of God's existence? Uh...yes, yes I am, a little bit. Also Meryl Streep and Colin Firth's smile and the Bellagio fountains and Stephen Sondheim and Wallace Stegner and Vincent Van Gogh and Pixar and the white chocolate macadamia nut cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory and Fantasmic at Disneyland and Mia Michael's choreography and the Eiffel Tower and the cavalier king Charles spaniel and lightning storms and long, hard kisses and this song.
I wish I had more of the analytical, explaining talent. Then I could maybe really communicate to people this feeling, or even explain it better to myself. I know we all experience this kind of thing from time to time, and I'm glad. I think it's one of those things that truly connect us as souls, that truly gives us friendship. But I'm still working on being a good teacher and explainer and analyzer of all these things, rather than just a student and sponge of awesomeness. We're all just doing our best to add to the awesome, right?
Maybe you don't see this feeling as spiritually or important as I do, and that's okay. But it's like the TARDIS says. We humans, we're bigger on the inside.