It doesn't mean I'm not going to move forward exactly the same. I'm going to edit the crap out of it and then give it to other people to read and then start the submissions process. Feeling sort of whatever about it just means that the editing will be that much easier, and so will the putting it in other peoples hands. I still hope and want just as much for it as I did before, but I'm in a much better emotional place for accepting that whatever happens happens, and that it's okay if things just don't pan out for this one. Because they might not.
All this is true, but it's also true that I wouldn't be able to feel this way about this novel if I didn't have wild hopes and faith and ambition for my new novel. I have to be crazy about something. And I spent some time yesterday doing some good brainstorming, and I'm definitely starting to feel the excitement coming. If I've taken my eggs out of the old basket and sent it down the river, hoping it ends up somewhere nice, that just means my eggs are in a shiny new basket.
So, basically, this just means that I'm emotionally ready to push my baby out of the nest and can deal with the consequences. It also means I'll be writing my new baby like my life depends on it, because for a while it will. Then I'll grow hard to it too, send that one out, and get started on a new one. Circle of life.
I guess this seems kind of cruel. Maybe it is. Really I don't think my relationship with my books is going to turn out as black and white as all that. I'm just going through a phase that I'll probably go through with each novel, but once I give it time and get some fresh perspective on it I think I'll totally fall in love with it again.