5 Things I Learned About Writing (And Life) From My Mom

Happy Mothers day yesterday. I hope it was a fabulous one.

So, there is kind of a lot to be said on Mothers Day. So much that it kind of feels easier to just say nothing at all, but we're gonna try. A lot of us do not come from what is normally called a "traditional" family background, and as someone who can't have kids, I do appreciate the thoughts I saw yesterday about celebrating moms of all kind--single moms, adopted moms, grandmothers, long-gone moms. There are moms who are in prison and moms who abandoned you and moms who gave you up for adoption and addicted moms. I guess my point is that no matter what type of mother you have, or what type of relationship you have with your mother, we are all shaped by our mothers more than we even think, and that includes writing. Today I wanted to talk about how I have become the type of writer that I am because of my mom.

1. Relationships are the most important thing: I think if you took a survey, a much larger segment of the population will say they believe that relationships are the most important thing than actually think or behave as if they really are. My mom is not one of those people. She cannot think in any other way than this--aggressively so. If we are at the airport waiting to pick up my grandma and two older ladies look lost and ask where they might find a taxi, she will not just smile and say, honestly, she's not sure, like I would. She will say, I think I may have seen a sign on the lower level, let me just go check for you. We will not have left the airport before these ladies are taken care of. She is not okay, will not sleep, if she thinks one of her kids is in pain. So what does this have to do with writing? I think this has influenced the types of stories I am drawn to. I love more than anything the little moments that reveal the relationships between two characters--father and son moments in Gilead, the pining in Persuasion or Frasier, the unique understanding and friendship in Sherlock. In the show House, I watched much more for the moments between House and Wilson or House and Cuddy than any of the medical drama.

2. Effervescence: Someone in a blog interview once described my style as "effervescent" and asked where that came from and that was a no-brainer answer for me. It is hard for me to describe really how effervescent, how passionate, my mom is, but anyone who has met her even for a minute knows exactly what I mean. You can hear it in the timbre of her voice, especially when she is talking about a show she saw or a memory from the past or a hard time she's having with someone or when she's talking to her sisters. I have actually spent a long time thinking of how to describe her voice, and today at church I think I found the right metaphor. It is a lot like staring at the sun. You have to glance away every once in a while, for a moment sun-blind, but it is also this light by which you see everything else. And really, why live life any less than this?

3. Which details matter: I think we all get our aesthetic for detail from our parents. For me, it connects back to point number one. The details that matter matter because they mean something maybe sentimental, or more than they really are, to someone. Sneaking bites of brownie from the fridge downstairs, funnel cake at Disneyland, how she and my aunt used to dance to Billy Joel in the hall outside their older sisters bedroom door. Quoting Jim Carrey in The Grinch about twenty million times every Christmas. Maybe we can't explain why exactly the details that stick out to us stick out to us, but I know I got it in large part from my mom.

4. By your own bootstraps: My mom is not an excuse person. I've had siblings lose phone privileges because of bad grades. Every minute past curfew, without at least calling ahead, is a day grounded. If one of us gets ourselves into a hard situation we have to live with the consequences, she is not going to come in and "rescue" any of us. She will always be there to support us and help us, but we always have to put in the work. In writing it is the same. No one is going to hand us success, and we are not entitled to it, but it is guaranteed to anyone who puts in the time and the work.

5. Why art matters: My mom studied acting in college, and one of her professors once told her that good acting, putting yourself out there and showing that vulnerability to your audience, is an act of service. It is a way of putting an arm around a lonely soul, or giving a struggling person context and perspective to help them cope with...life. Books are just the same. I've said it many times before and I'll say it again (well, okay, C. S. Lewis said it): We read to know we're not alone.

I know everybody says they are the luckiest to have the mom they have, but I really do feel like it's as if I'm Jonas in The Giver and my mom is the difference between seeing the world with and without color. Color can be a turbulent, soul-shaking thing, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Me, my mom, my aunt and my grandma. 

This may be one of my favorite pictures ever.

Sarah Allen

Record one moment every day

TED talks always make one think. But I saw one a bit ago about a man who records one second of footage every day and makes it into longer videos and I've been thinking about it ever since. One second from every day. The idea is that this helps to remember things, remember your life, and take notice of the different things that happen every day.

I think a lot of times, for me at least, the days all blend together and you get to the end of one and think, nothing really happened today. I don't think that's the best way to go through life. Every day should be meaningful and important.

Obviously some days stick out a lot more than others. You are going to have more exciting things to record and report after a day at Disneyland than you would after a day of sitting home sick watching reruns of Friends.

The point though, and the reason I like this idea, is that it forces you to find something special and interesting even in the stay home on the couch days. It forces you to be observant of what's going on around you and notice the little interesting things. In fact, it may even inspire you to create something interesting, to go out and do something so you'll have an interesting part to your day.

And it doesn't have to be video recording. It can be jotting something in your notebook, putting a picture on instagram, blogging an interesting story, tweeting something funny you heard. A lot of us do these things already a lot of the time, but I think making a conscious effort to do it every day, and thinking of it in terms of recording an interesting or significant moment of your day, will make it stand out and feel that much more important. I don't think it even takes anything major to make this work. Something as simple as seeing a deer on your way home from work, or getting lunch at the new cafe down the street, or talking to someone interesting while you wait at the DMV.

Days do sometimes feel the same, and blend in to each other. But I think keeping our eyes open and recording daily moments like this will stretch our writers eyes and leave us more open to creative inspiration. I'm going to try to do this every day, whether taking a picture or jotting down a story.

Do you think this is a worthwhile idea?

Sarah Allen

While I've been Losing a War Against my Sinuses

I've been watching too much Criminal Minds. But how do you resist Mathew Gray Gubler, let alone Mandy Patinkin? We all know that grumpy old men are my absolute favorite, especially when they look like that. And the show is an excellent illustration of raising the stakes. I.e.: "We have forty-eight hours to do what the CIA couldn't do in four months."

Even though Sudafed does not really work for me (no cold medicine has EVER worked for me) it is still a little bit better than nothing. I've been eating vanilla ice cream because it is the only thing that sounds good. I have been watching American Idol with my mom (Candace better freaking win).

I have been looking up random bizarre creatures like the Barreleye fish. Kind of the weirdest thing I've ever seen. And see those two black things that look like eyes? THOSE ARE NOT HIS EYES. Those are actually his nostrils. The green orb things inside his clear head are the actual eyes. IS THAT NOT WEIRD?

What I have not been doing is writing. Or sleeping. But mostly writing. And that is a problem. Are any of you guys better at being productive at getting words down when your cheek bones feel like they're being boiled in hot mucus? I've tried a few times to be like "Sarah! Don't be a baby, just work," and that gets maybe a couple hundred words out of me but then nothing. My mind becomes mush. I guess its okay to take breaks every once in a while, and hopefully I'm just refueling my creative tank and can get back to business soon.

The other thing I've been thinking about, and I've mentioned this before, is self-publishing a very short short-story collection. Just pulling together some of the work I've done and putting it out myself. I still haven't decided if its a good idea. Thoughts?

And just, also, thank you guys. For sticking around and being so awesome and supportive. I have been in the waiting stage for so long now, and we may be there for a while yet, but I really really hope some good things happen very soon. Prayers and good thoughts for all of us, eh?

Sarah Allen

Challenges of a Twenty-Something Writer and How to Conquer Them

The lovely, fabulous and generous Julie Luek of 'A Thought Grows' has put together a great series on her blog. She's brought together a handful of writers, all at different ages and phases in our writing careers to talk about what each phase brings in terms of challenges, opportunities, experience, and learning.

Today I get to talk about being a newbie, at the beginning of a writing career. There are definite challenges that come with being a twenty-something writer, as there are at any age and phase, and I've put together a list of a few of the biggest ones. I've tried to suggest solutions to each challenge, but I'm also hoping those of you with more wisdom and experience than me can help even more. So everyone hop on over to Julie Luek's blog and see what you think.

Today and today and today

So the A-Z is done, and we had fun, right? So much fun. I actually like having letters guiding me as I decide what to write about. Otherwise it can end up being nebulous and vague.

But I'm going with that today. Nebulous and vague.

I am not a morning person.

I wish I was doing better at getting words down on my new novel. But I am about half-way done now, and it is coming. Slowly but surely. I hope I'll have a first draft done by...August?

I have been watching too much Criminal Minds. When I do I go to bed scared. But how can you resist Mandy Patinkin? I mean really?

Just keep going. That is what my life has been, and I suppose that's okay, that it's how life has to be for a while, in your twenties. I'm writing and building up my platform and writing more and submitting to contests and querying and writing more and I am going to be whiny and self-indulgent and say that I hope it starts paying off soon. I love doing all of it. I really do. I love writing, obviously, but also tweeting and blogging and querying. All of it makes me so happy. It'll be so nice when I can do that full time.

I am currently reading Jennifer Donnelly's Revolution. I have never had the same mixture of annoyance and fascination as I do with this book. The main character, Andi, is so angsty and entitled and repetitive and everyone around her is so incredibly melodramatic. But...in a way its working? The story is so fabulous and engrossing and that story meshes with the melodrama and angst in a way that makes the melodrama and angst feel like they're moving forward, which makes them bearable and actually completely intriguing. Andi is not my favorite type of character, but I am having a really good and interesting time watching her walk around Paris.

One day an agent will want me. One day. I am so ready for that day.

Well, another 1000 words.

Sarah Allen