Pulling a Virginia Woolf on you all

Don't worry, I don't mean killing myself. Or being a closeted lesbian, or having a movie made of my life where I am brilliantly portrayed by Nicole Kidman. However, I am in such a transitional, semi-unstable period right now, fabulous in many ways, but my thoughts are in every direction, crazy and scattered, and I thought doing a mental free-write might help me sort out my own head. Hopefully its not too scattered. So here goes:

Maybe I'm listening to David Archuleta Christmas music right now. Is that allowed? I guess I don't really care.

I am having such a fun time in this show, guys. Just had costume fittings and the steam-punk awesomeness is AWESOME!!!

THE HOUSE FINALE OMG!!! Totally perfect. Absolutely perfect. Totally fits with the Sherlock thing, and Hugh Laurie is just...perfect.

I need to be doing more writing. I have not been making very good direct, day-to-day progress on that at all lately. It has to do with being in the transitional phase, and also I'm just excited to get the book back from the last of my amazing and awesome beta readers and start submitting. Gah I'm excited for that!

Ok, so I'm pretty sure the big reason I feel transitiony and unstable is all job related. I taught my last day of preschool today. Bitter-sweet. Those kids are so absofreakinglutely adorable. I'm going to miss them. But I need more hours than I get there at least so far, and what do I do over the summer anyway? Figuring it out. I have to remember that things are in the process of being figured out. Maybe that could still work out, and I'm waiting to hear back on some other fabulous options. So good things are happening, progress is being made. I don't need to freak out about it. It will work out. Right?

Just need to get the job thing taken care of. Then I can have a schedule and do things I want to do like go to the gym regularly and get back into a writing schedule.

People with chips on their shoulders bother me really bad. I always want to knock it off and play devils advocate, even if I mostly agree with them. Can't I be a BYU grad raised in Provo Mormon Utahrd without feeling judged? Why do I feel that way when I'm pretty sure its just me being self-conscious and paranoid and nobody really gives a crap where I grew up or where I live anyway?

I'm actually kind of glad Phil Phillips won American Idol. Jessica's voice is absolutely incredible and she's going to do amazing things, but there's just no connection for me there at all. And Jennifer Holliday...I have no words.

As scared as I am about the job thing, I think I'm more scared to have a new apartment, meaning new roommates. I've lived with the same group of friends since 2007, and the past year or so we've all kind of split off one at a time and now I'm the basically the only one left. Does that make me super, super lame? I worry about that a lot. Maybe too much. But I don't want to be lame. I want to do exciting things and have adventures and do what I'm supposed to do with my life, but I don't want to run away for the sake of running away or do things for the wrong reasons or at the wrong time and what is the right time or way of leaving ones home in the first place and is leaving Provo required for me to be unlame and adventurous anyway? I have no idea.

My book. And working on the next one. That's my unlame adventure. Hopefully more will come soon. Is that an okay way to think of things?

I really, really like this song:

Whew. Okay, I'll stop. Thank you for indulging me. I don't know if this helped me settle myself or if it just stirred things up, but I guess we'll see. Life is great anyway, and you're great.

Now tell me I'm not crazy :)

Sarah