Thursday, April 19, 2012

Q is for Query Letter

So I'm kind of cheating and posting my own query letter to get feedback from all y'all smart people, and I hope that's okay. I've posted a draft of this query before, but I got some really awesome comments last time and revamped it and thought, hey, Q day is the perfect day to try it again. So here goes. My query letter for The Keeper.
"Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl taken from this world to marry the prince of another. This is not her story.
George Shepherd is grizzly keeper at the local zoo, and, what’s much more difficult, guardian of his sixteen year old niece. After seven years he believes he’s finally balanced the muddy claws, curfew fights and a past mistake he doesn’t ever expect to escape. 
Then a little boy shows up claiming that on Cindy’s seventeenth birthday, she will be taken as a princess by the prince of another world. This is easily dismissed. He takes the boy home, hoping Cindy didn’t hear anything.
His anxiety levels return to normal until things start turning up that can only be construed as evidence: symbols Cindy shouldn’t know, dreams she shouldn’t have. An impossible painting and an even more impossible letter, all corroborating the boy’s story, the threat that Cindy might actually be taken from him. And someone else, someone much more dangerous and real than the mysterious fairy-tale prince, wants in. With the help of Cindy’s former teacher, he knows he must do whatever it takes to protect Cindy from dreams that come true, even when it means confronting his own real life night-mares. 
Part fairy-tale, part mid-life crisis, the true heart of this story is the exploration of what keeps us going when we lose it all, and the fine line between holding on for dear life and just letting go."
Ok, there you have it. Thoughts?

The scary thing about query letters is that so much depends on them. They have to be as well crafted if not more so than the novel itself, and I want to get the novel and the query as perfect as possible before I start trying to put my fate in the publishing industry's hands. 

What tips have you heard about query letters? If you're working on your own query right now, how's it coming?

Sarah Allen

8 comments:

shelly said...

Ummm...I like it.

Michael Abayomi said...

Not bad. I'd definitely be interested in reading the full manuscript. :)

Annalisa Crawford said...

The only thing I'd say is that you shouldn't be hiding plot from the agent, so the 'past mistake' you mention should be explained. In a blurb, you hint and entice; but in the query you lay everything out - in my opinion.

Really interested to hear what other people say, in case I'm wrong!

Leslie Rose said...

Based on the query workshops I've attended this feels too long. There is a lot of information. I would boil it down to your MC's journey without giving away the ending. Think: entice.

Lynn Proctor said...

sounded good to me and no i am not working on one--but am thinking about it after reading so much about them today

Sun Singer said...

Some say you should note that the book is complete and also include writing credentials.

Malcolm

Chuck said...

Since I have no idea how this works (not being a writer) I will just be content on reading replies and figuring it out!

Nancy Stewart said...

Thanks for this post. I, too, wrote on query letters. One thing this needs (in my humble opinion) are writing credentials. Even if you're a member of SCBWI and haven't written anything yet, put the membership in!

If you've the chance, visit my blog. I'm the author of the Bella and Britt series for kids.