Well, I'm having one of those weird days where I feel like I have so much to get off my chest I'm going to burst, while simultaneously feeling like there's not much to say at all. So I hope you'll forgive me if I just talk, fighting both the urge to say too much and to say nothing, and see where we end up.
I'm in a doubtful stage with my novel right now. I feel like it's all a bunch of crap. I should have known it was coming, I had a good level of confidence almost the whole time I was writing it, so it was bound to happen some time. I know it's me being silly, and I know not to trust my own feelings at either extreme, but its still not fun to feel like it sucks. Self-prescription: Get over it, edit the thing, and most of all start work on novel #2. Hopefully the getting over it part happens really soon.
There aren't many people I have a hard time being around, and I try really hard to genuinely get along with everyone, and usually it works. There are, of course, some types that rub me the wrong way, but the hardest type for me to watch--and in this case by hardest I don't mean annoying or grouchy-indusing but rather saddest, painful, upsetting, that kind of hard--are people who let themselves feel victimized. I suppose this can be quite annoying too, but really its so hard to watch because they are only making things so, so, so much worse for themselves, but nobody ever thinks they're playing the victim and when you try to help at all they just feel more victimized. Painful frustration caused by helplessness. You love and pray and hope and it never seems like enough. But what else can you do?
The last while has definitely been a haze of Downton Abbey. Sometimes I don't understand myself. I have the normal scale of hating something to really loving it, and then there's this whole other sphere of liking things where it takes me over on the obsession level, and I know its happening and know I'm involving myself and loving something beyond all sense of proportion and can't help it don't really want to help it. In this sphere live things like Severus Snape (of course), Ben Linus, Colin Firth, Jane Austen, John Green, Frasier, Sherlock, and now, Downton Abbey. I need Bates and Anna to be together like I need to eat when I'm hungry and pee when I'm full. I wish it made sense in my own head, (anyone else as crazy as I am?), but I guess that's all I've got to say about that.
I suppose I've already run the risk of saying too much, so I'll stop now. But thank you all very, very much for listening.