Well, I'm having one of those weird days where I feel like I have so much to get off my chest I'm going to burst, while simultaneously feeling like there's not much to say at all. So I hope you'll forgive me if I just talk, fighting both the urge to say too much and to say nothing, and see where we end up.
I'm in a doubtful stage with my novel right now. I feel like it's all a bunch of crap. I should have known it was coming, I had a good level of confidence almost the whole time I was writing it, so it was bound to happen some time. I know it's me being silly, and I know not to trust my own feelings at either extreme, but its still not fun to feel like it sucks. Self-prescription: Get over it, edit the thing, and most of all start work on novel #2. Hopefully the getting over it part happens really soon.
There aren't many people I have a hard time being around, and I try really hard to genuinely get along with everyone, and usually it works. There are, of course, some types that rub me the wrong way, but the hardest type for me to watch--and in this case by hardest I don't mean annoying or grouchy-indusing but rather saddest, painful, upsetting, that kind of hard--are people who let themselves feel victimized. I suppose this can be quite annoying too, but really its so hard to watch because they are only making things so, so, so much worse for themselves, but nobody ever thinks they're playing the victim and when you try to help at all they just feel more victimized. Painful frustration caused by helplessness. You love and pray and hope and it never seems like enough. But what else can you do?
The last while has definitely been a haze of Downton Abbey. Sometimes I don't understand myself. I have the normal scale of hating something to really loving it, and then there's this whole other sphere of liking things where it takes me over on the obsession level, and I know its happening and know I'm involving myself and loving something beyond all sense of proportion and can't help it don't really want to help it. In this sphere live things like Severus Snape (of course), Ben Linus, Colin Firth, Jane Austen, John Green, Frasier, Sherlock, and now, Downton Abbey. I need Bates and Anna to be together like I need to eat when I'm hungry and pee when I'm full. I wish it made sense in my own head, (anyone else as crazy as I am?), but I guess that's all I've got to say about that.
I suppose I've already run the risk of saying too much, so I'll stop now. But thank you all very, very much for listening.
Sarah Allen
12 comments:
That's what we're here for, to listen :-)
And you've given yourself good advice about the novel doldrums, all you have to do now is follow it!
Hey Sarah: Writers always get those scary voices in their heads. I battle with them every week. Right now, my novel is in the hands of three beta-readers and I know there are still some issues to iron out. That's okay. Alot of it has to do with research. And sometimes researching stuff I know nothing about totally scares me because I need to be able to write in a scene and make it work...hope it works.
Anyway, it's all good. We all fret over our writing.
Downtown Abbey has become quite the runaway success so you are definitely not alone.
Having been in your shoes, I'd say don't write the entire book off yet. Yes, you could start another one, but keep polishing your query and find a critique group that will help you take it to the next level (not fun advice--I hated it when I got it!). At the end of some very hard work, you'll have a novel that represents the very BEST you have to offer, and that's what we want getting published anyway, right?
Unless you happen to truly despise your book/premise, etc. In which case, ditch the book and start over!
Just some advice from someone who's gone through that same trench you're in now!
Sarah, You are truly amazing. I love how genuine you are. Also, it's cool that you didn't get down about your book very much while you were writing it. Maybe that allowed you to get it done. I'm a roller coaster of emotions for my book, but right now I'm in one of those ecstatic/elated parts and I'm just stoked about writing and editing and working on this book.
I hope you find that again soon, because I love your writing and I can't wait until you actually let me look at what you've got.
Also, I totally get what you mean about people who feel victimized. I did that for a while--which you're probably highly aware of...since we were roommates at the time. But, a lot of my life experiences have taught me that that's no way to live. I also learned through some tough experiences that sometimes I just can't allow myself to let pepole like that take up too much of my life--or any part of my life, as the case may be sometimes. Good luck with your victims! (well, you knwo what I mean).
I get days like this too.
Not a fan of people with victims complex either.
REALLY want to watch Downton Abbey.
Fingers crossed that you find the love while editing your WiP.
:-)
First of all, I know what youre feeling with your novel. I've been there. After you finish the first draft, suddenly that euphoric feeling turns into intense doubt, but push past it and everything will be alright again.
As for the people who make themselves victims, it is definitely a frustrating thing. One of my very good friends has become one of those people, and it seems to be getting worse. Whenever I try to help or offer advice, she will ignore it and do whatever makes her the victim again. It gets frustrating, because all of the issues she is having, she is doing to herself. It's a bad cycle. I wish you luck with your situation.
the-creationofbeauty.blogspot.com
I have these days all the time. Keep confidence in your writing. As long as you're writing you're in the right place. I'm struggling with a friend who keeps putting herself in the role of victim and it's frustrating to watch. I was about to ask what the heck Downtown Abbey is...but...well...I'll google it so you don't get upset that I don't know ;)
I can't say anything more in advice that the experienced commenters before me haven't said. What I will say is: Keep going. I'm sure everyone here believes you can push through this and come out the other side of this with a grin on your face and an agent in hand.
I'm so right there with you on Downton Abbey. I just re-watched season 1 on Netflix over the weekend. <3 so much!
I love Downton Abby. Can't wait to see season two. :D
I think we all go through the 'this so sucks' phase. Glad you feel you'll get over it. You will. Keep slogging away.
Okay, I think I need to check out Downtown Abbey now. Everyone is talking about it these days!
As for your novel, don't worry if you think it's crap. It's a first draft. It's supposed to suck. That's what revision is for. Everything can be fixed.
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